What I meant to say.....

Yesterday Brian and I had the privilege of speaking at our home church and tell them all the amazing things going on with us and Africa. I really had it on my heart that I wanted to share some things, but was super nervous seeing as I DREAD being in front of people. So I figured out what I wanted to share, practiced it in my mind (lots!!), prayed and just trusted I would get my point across. Sunday morning during worship Brian looks over at me and I can see the excitement in his eyes. He says, "Aren't you SO excited?!" I say, "No, I am pretty sure I am about to throw up." (Which was a very true statement.) Then, the time comes for us to get up on stage. I climb the stairs and look at our church family... and my mind goes blank. I mean blank as blank can be. I start talking. I talk for maybe five minutes and then sit down. I honestly do not know what I said. I know I read a couple of verses I had planned, but other than that I literally do not know what words came out of my mouth. Public speaking is just one of the many areas God is stretching me in and showing me I need to put my total trust in Him with. I am a work in progress. :)
So this morning I was thinking about yesterday and a little sad honestly because there were some things I had wanted to say (maybe I did say them yesterday, maybe I didn't... not sure) and the thought came to mind to blog about it. So this is my post about what I meant to say yesterday during our service at Real Life Church.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ... But he said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

This verse has been such a source of strength for me over the last few months. I have found it is one thing to say to God, "Lord I give you my life, where you lead I will follow!" and to really mean it. The Lord first whispered so gently in my heart seven years ago the promise that my family was to serve the people of Africa, but at the moment I could have never fathomed what it would look like. I was just a small town Iowa girl who had a wonderful and comfortable life. We were young, in love, new parents, homeowners, living across the street from my parents, in the ministry, and it seemed like our lives were right on track and could not get any better. It never really occurred to me that following the call to Africa would mean laying down almost every comfort I had ever known so far in life. Over that last few months I have had a (small) glimpse of what I believe that Bible is talking about when it talks about denying ourselves and taking up our cross daily to follow Christ. It has been painful at times. One of the more painful things for me definitely was selling our home. We moved in there when I was pregnant with Kayden. It was right across the street from my parents and in a neighborhood I had grown up in and loved. We had so many amazing times in that house, and to me it symbolized a place of comfort and stability. I did not realize how tight of a grip I had on moving out of our home until it actually happened. It was a hard process for me. We spend alot of time over at my parents house and it took a good couple of months for me to be able to go to their house without crying every time I would see our old home. It was so many emotions. I was so thankful our house had sold, that God had provided the perfect couple to purchase it and relieve us of the huge burden of selling it, but at the same time it was me having to let go of the "American dream" I had for my family, and letting go of such a huge comfort in our lives. God was so faithful (as He always is!) and over time I was able to move on from the sadness and move into the emotions of complete joy and thankfulness and PEACE, knowing we were walking out God's will for our lives.
Since we have moved into our mobile home and things have really quickly started to take off with us getting to Africa, I find dying to myself is the only way to truly be free. It is painful and not pretty. I am so weak, but He is so strong. He is such a resting place, a strong tower. To say the least, I am not an adventurous person. So to be walking out the call of a missionary to Africa is completely new and uncomfortable to me, but at the same time it feels so natural and so perfectly right. The most common question we get asked is, "Aren't you scared? You are taking ALL of your children over there?" It really is mind blowing to me to be able to say that NO, I am not afraid. I used to be, but God has poured out His peace that's surpasses all understanding over me, and now I am not. Brian and I walk in confidence, knowing that Christ has called us to Tanzania. What else could we possibly do but follow where He leads us?
This is just a little look at what is going on in my heart and what I am learning through this season of our lives. Our family appreciates your prayers more than we can say! We are so blessed.