This world is not my home.....

Hebrews 13:14 , " For this world is not our home, we are looking forward to our city in heaven, which is yet to come."

When I was in high school I was in a traveling singing group called Sounds of Praise. One of the songs we used to sing had these words, " .. this world is not my home, I am just a passing through. My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue." This song has played in my mind on repeat almost since my feet hit the ground in Tanzania. I have struggled this past fifteen months way more than I would like to admit. I have been surprised at the level of selfishness I have seen come out of my heart at times. I remember reading somewhere that being a missionary is kind of like fasting everything from your old life all at once, and I have to say I agree almost completely with that thought. I have had to lay down idols that I never even knew existed in my life. I have struggled with insecurities that were hidden deep in some secret chamber of my heart that have since been forced out. I have told myself repeatedly that moving back to the States is the answer, then everything will be right and good once again.

Well, we have purchased our tickets for our first furlough home. Initially I was over the moon about it. I would cry literal tears of joy every time I thought about being home with our friends and family, surrounded by all the comforts I knew and loved. As the time gets closer to going home though, new emotions are coming up. A sadness about leaving Tanzania for four months, this place that I am beginning to realize we have new roots at. The other day I asked the kids what they were most excited about doing when we went home. Sophee was very confused and asked me what I meant, that we were already home. God really used that moment to show me that Tanzania is "home" to our family for this season. This honestly doesn't sit well with me at times though. How can this place where I feel like such an outsider all the time be home? A place where no matter where I am my skin will always set me apart from the group no matter how long we are here? And yet we are going back to America soon, our other "home", and I am nervous about not fitting in there either. What will it be like when we go back? Time has passed there too, peoples lives have changed and we haven't been there to see it/ Will we fit right back in, or will it be awkward? Will it really feel like "home" when a chunk of our hearts are in Tanzania now as well?

Then I am reminded time and time again that this world is not our home. I have a deeper understanding of this verse than ever before, I feel. I look forward with such great anticipation to the day when I will be in Heaven, and will feel at peace and rest completely. Until then, I will joyfully enjoy both homes we have here on Earth. I will choose to see it as a blessing that we have amazing friends and family in two places and that we get to see God working among two different nations.